Sometimes I miss certain people from my past so much.
I deeply regret that we aren’t as close as we used to be. Or close at all, really. I tell myself it’s okay, that we’ve grown apart and it’s more painful to force the friendship, but it’s not okay. I love these girls. Women, now. I want them in my life and it hurts so much to think that they don’t feel the same way.
My best friend from treatment. We transformed our lives together. But we live halfway across the country from each other, and it’s so fucking hard to stay in touch. We have busy lives. She has a husband, I have my boyfriend. Her yoga career is taking off, and mine’s about to begin. I feel like I’m the only one who makes time to text or call. I never get through to her, no matter when I call. I feel like I don’t matter as much to her as she does to me. But letting this friendship go isn’t nearly as hard as the other one.
My best friend from fourth grade. We used to be inseparable. We spent more time in timeout during recess than playing on the playground because we couldn’t stay out of trouble. We rode horses nearly every day together. We wanted to major in veterinary medicine and room together at Texas A&M. That never happened. She was “cooler” than me in high school. We made different friends and started to grow apart. I later learned, during a drunken reunion, that we both struggled with body image issues and eating disorders. I ended up inpatient and am in recovery. I don’t believe she ever got the same. I see pictures now, on Facebook, and am so worried about her. She’s so thin, pale, fragile. The sparkle in her eyes isn’t there. But I don’t feel like it’s my place to say anything. I never see her anymore. I’ve tried, so hard, to stay in touch with her. She always flakes out on me. Never texts me back, or something comes up, whatever. I’ve given up. How sad is that? I came to the point where I thought, “I’m going to text her and try to meet up with her one more time. If she doesn’t get back to me, or if it falls through, I’m done. Ball’s in her court. If she wants to see me, she knows where to find me.” Sure enough, I was left hanging. I felt like I’d been dumped. No closure, just slowly grown apart to the point where she doesn’t respect me enough to set aside a couple of hours for me. I’ll always love her. I’m always here for her.
I just want a fruit salad that isn’t 98% of these fucking things